Open Challenge – I declare Our Papa as the best Papa

More than an open challenge it’s an open letter to my father on the week of his retirement. I have tried listing some traits of ours that I owe either because of my father or because of my father’s occupation (he would be retiring as Additional Director General, Medical paramilitary forces)

Things I learned from Papa

Aim High: As a 60 year old, he is still fond of clothes and footwear, a trait rarely found in men. Once I asked him, why are you so found of shoes, he replied “I had never worn one till age of 15, first one I got was stolen, it was my fantasy as a child to own lots of shoes”.

He was born in interiors in a village in Madhya Pradesh to a school teacher and a house wife, 8th among siblings of 10. My grandfather thought of tailoring as a profession for his 8^th child, papa had other plans he wanted to be a doctor. He had limited options either to leave his “unpractical and foolish” aim or give his dream a chance. He ran away from house, through all the hardships he took the exams and got through.

It wasn’t a happy ending yet, a village boy who had taken all his exams in Hindi entered cityMedical college with no idea about how will he pay fee for his accommodation and studies. He aimed high, he focused on his goal and sailed through. To make his accommodation free of cost, he became the first freshman to become hostel in charge. For his academic fee he sometimes he got the money from his siblings and sometimes his friends happily gave him a loan and sometimes he got lucky in ‘teen patti’. 

He has always pushed me to think beyond what is possible, to dream and to aim high.

Don’t differentiate on social class

I happened to pass by his college this year, papa asked me if we could stop by and meet his paan wala. I was surprised, how would papa introduce himself, would the shop be there, would the original owner be there, I calculated it was 35 years since he had passed out. As paan wala saw papa, I could see the glee in his eyes, he not just recognized him, he was happy to receive was old friend. 35 years , 35 batches, 35* 300 students/ batch, but how can you forget one student who treated you as a friend ?

Holding the highest post in his cadre, I have seen people across ranks coming to him and discuss problems with him. Some see a father, some see a friend, some see a guide in him , rarely any one sees him as a boss outside office.

As kids I remember having visited house of our camp oddly ( a word you would recognize if you are in forces) to house of officers, we were just told to treat every elder with respect, greet everyone and don’t differentiate on class.  

Pamper Children, Play with them and Show your love through hug or kiss

This is where I feel Didi and I had best childhood. In his morning walk he would get scented flowers to place on bedside of his princesses (Pooja and Aarti), lunch he would tell them a story, post lunch he would play carom, evenings you would find Dr Pandey with his daughters one on each shoulder, nights we were tucked between the warmth of our parents.

I am putting this in writing never have Didi or I received any beating from papa (to the global readers,  Indian children sometimes need beating because they are pampered more than other children). He is our teacher (helped us with all our HW), he is our friend (played with us all the games) and our hero.

Both Didi and I try to replicate some of it for my niece Satviki, we  Pamper, Play and hug and kiss her, same way as we got when we were her age.

Take Vacation, Go for a walk

Financially we were bang on the line between comfortable and tight, but never have we missed a LTC( Leave Travel Concession), never has been a year we have not gone out to see visit a new place even if it meant being on the wrong side of line. We have albums of trip where three girls are posing ( Ma, Didi and me) and the head of family is behind the lens.

Every evening we would for a walk, in pithoragarh( a place in uttrakhand) we would walk on mountain to look for a new water body, in NSG(National Security Guard Campus) we would walk by the lake, in Hudco ( in heart of new delhi) he found a jungle and we would walk in jungle.

Both didi and I love walking, we love travelling (to interiors of India and not some fancy foreign location).  

Keep your word and promise to your family

Papa is lactose intolerant ( allergic to milk), he can’t enjoy delicacies like ice cream, gulab jamun, rasmalai. After joining forces he found moderate intake of alcohol as soothing and thus adapted to being a social drinker. He also developed a taste for non-vegetarian food as well, given that he can’t have the standard veg delicacy like panner, malai kofta etc.

One fine day his daughters asked him to leave alcohol and non-vegetarian and he did. He hasn’t taken a drink and eaten non veg since last 4 years, a habit of 30 years he left and kept his words because we asked him to.

I haven’t made any promises yet to my family, I guess because I know I can’t break promises.

Things I owe to Forces (ITBP, NSG, SPG, BSF, CRPF) 

Bonding between us ( Didi and I) : In some postings like pithoragarh, there weren’t any kid in campus of our age. On holi Didi and I played colors just between two of us, for any game we had just each other. I believe this is what has set the foundation of our bond, so strong that even when we stay miles away we meet at least 4 times a year, talk at least once a day and still share everything. I owe it to forces to have found my best friend in my sister. 

Value Time: For any conference call I join 5 mins early, for any meeting I start early. Having spent atleast 10 years of my life outside campus I still haven’t adapted to so called IST. 

Confidence to create an impression in a room of strangers:  I was born an introvert, a girl who was afraid of strangers, but being a forces girl you can’t afford to be an introvert. Having done schooling from 8 schools, I had to make friends every time I entered a new class full of strangers. I carry that confidence even today at professional level, I create an impression every time I walk in a room of strangers.

Cherished Memories: In school I used to ask my classmates how they celebrated the Independence Day, post the holiday. I would then ask them about flag hosting ceremony, the BADA khanna ( term only forces people would understand), I would tell them about cycling by the lake, our new year party, open theater, I always got puzzled look in response. I wondered what kind of homes my school mates would be living in with no campus and no mess, innocently I believed them to be poor kids. As a grown up lady, I have plethora of stories of our growing up years, our escapade to mini jungle, our secret mission of finding a rare breed of flower, our ceremony of cremating a dead mouse. These are the most cherished memories which always bring a smile to our faces. 

Learning that nothing is permanent: We have changed 12 houses in my lifetime (these are excluding the hostels and cities I independently lived in), as young child we would feel bad leaving a place but over the years and so many changes have given us the learning which is rare to find in my generation, learning that nothing except change is permanent and so is our association with forces. It is this very force that has taught me to say Good Byes gracefully and look forward and adapt to life after changes. 

                                                                                   

Thank you Papa and Thank you ITBP for bringing up characteristics of two girls

Making of a Movie

How often do we see clichés in cinema and wonder why can’t they get over it ? How is it that jai and Aditi (jane tu , jane na) never realized that it was love while they were in college or Rahul realizes his love for Anjali (kutch kutch hota hai ) only after the death of his wife.

There is a new trend dese days where they will try and cinemize the relationship; I receive honey coated wedding cards with romantic stories of how the couple met and how like a fairy tale they are tying the knot.

I love stories but I also believe (believed) that they are too sugary for the real world. I guess that is why I always made for their absence in real world by reading as many as I could. I was oblivious to one unfolding around me and believe me it’s even more cheesy than the reel life.

We met 10 years ago at school , never spoke , in college I landed in his neighborhood , became friends . Friends as we were , we tried to look for each other bf/gf in our circle , then curiosity to date each other , dated briefly ended bitterly . I moved to different city , bitterness reduced as we became friends again , we kept talking all the while , never short of conversations , it was these conversations (company of each other) which kept us bonded.

I was still hooked to my books for my dose of stories, real life was just as boring as the prospective, I was meeting over the online matrimony. The more I met them , the more I realized what I have with this friend of mine is distinct , with him I don’t have to think about my talks , my posture , my dress because he accepts me the way I am , I am me with him. It was like a ‘tan tana’ moment , I could see an imaginary figure speaking loudly “what are you doing Aarti , I can’t make it more obvious than this”. As I went back , I realized how important it was for me to experience all the things to realize the value of ‘us’.

Life is full of presents, it took me long to unfold my present but believe me it does unfold , till then just don’t lose your present. Cherish every gift of yours, if things get bitter then remember it is the wrapping, gift lies inside J.

Characher 'Dilli' hai

My dad being in paramilitary has had a transferable job, far flung places which you would have never heard of, I have spent good part of my growing years in these places. I never knew what to say when someone asked me which city you belong to, both my parents are from different cities, I belong to neither.

I am not romanticizing the menaces of a fauji’s daughter. In a way, it was fun new place, new girl in the school, scenic camps, lots of outdoors. Then Delhi happened to the 'cityless girl' , unlike other city who pushed me out after 3 years , Delhi hugged me tightly made me stay for good 10 years.

As I moved out of Delhi for my post-graduation and now my job, there is a part of Delhi in me. People often ask me , especially now that I am in Bangalore , why are you hung upon Delhi ? They have valid reasons for their question, people in Bangalore are not killed for collecting toll or refusing to serve liquor post the allowable limit, you don’t sweat half the year, nor do you shiver in winters, you can easily take a rick after a late night movie, you get the best coffees, you don’t worry about pick pockets in public transport, it's not i seismic zone 4 , city no doubt has been a warm host.

But how do I explain Delhi to people who haven’t experienced it. It’s like attempting to explain different shades of purple to a blind , different ragas to a deaf, internet to papa ( he still calls his email as his web site ). Delhi lets me be her husband, her daughter, her friend, her secret keeper, her lover and also her enemy all at the same time.

Bangalore would never tell me her secrets, because I would never understand her language. Bangalore can never offer me a cup of tea at India Gate while watching the 26 January parade preparation on a winter morning , khullar ki laassi at Delhi 6 , the luxury to bargain in lajpat nagar , IT capital doesn’t have a Nehru Place , tailors don’t understand the difference between a patiala and a pajama , the humble city doesn’t really take my colorful dressing without stares , red light free ring road , junk jewelry of janpath , parathas of moolchand , well connected public transport , golgappe of Bengali sweets , my engineering college , Keveter’s milk shake followed by pastry at Wenger’s , an evening at central park ,trade fair in November , fruit beer at Delhi haat , my growing up buddies , my parent’s warmth …..

I owe my little street smartness by Delhi standard and a lot by Bangalore standard to my teacher Delhi. Whichever city I go to , I know I will manage because I am a Delhite. Bangalore is like my extra marital affair, but Delhi is my law fully wedded wife. I am waiting for my wife to get jealous and call me back , till that time I will enjoy with my extra marital partner J.

Delhi reveals her true self to selected few, to outsiders she feigns to be disgusting, I am fortunate that I am among those few blessed people in world to whom the city has revealed herself.

Blissfullness of being a woman

As I look over an aerobics class in office, intuitively I find the lone guy in class as a ‘misfit’ in session. I wonder why is it that perceived feminine activities like yoga, aerobics, skipping, shopping are a complete no no for men while perceived male activities like gyming , basketball, martial arts are acceptable or rather cool when performed by women.

Answer how so ever unfair but is the reality “The world is biased towards us” ( why not after all we are the fairer , smarter specie :P). The choices, be it the activities or dress or career or studies are always more of us. We can choose to be a home maker concerned about the family who has sacrificed her career or a working mother doing the multitasking of efficiently managing work and house. While for the lesser fortunate beings , I mean the males , the idea of being a homemaker is surely going to attract a lot of stares and also the risk of being termed as ‘good for nothing’, even if he manages to balance house and work this unfair world won’t give him the credit.

We can wear feminine wear like salwar suit, sari or we can wear trousers and shirts, umpteen options to choose from. I need to even mention the consequences if the lesser fortunate beings happen to wear anything else other then the limited one or two option they have. I can buy a pink car as easily as a black one , I can ride a scooty as well as a bike , I can earn and yet take money from lesser fortunates.

Reserved seats in public transport, paid bills on dates, reserved seats in colleges and public offices, better looks, more attention, more demand are some among the infinite advantages of being a woman.

Emotional as I am, my heart cries for the atrocities one has to face being a male. I look for answers to explain this bias, I revisit the Upanishads course I took in my post graduation. I find the reason for their current state is none other than ‘karma’ , it is their past karma that they will have to repay in this life time.

But as the more fortunate specie we have a responsibility to make a better world bearable) for the less fortunate ones, to make them feel significant we the female fraternity feigns of being poor drivers, possessing no direction sense, poor at mathematics. In return we get those looks from the lesser fortunate ones ‘one area where we can prove our existence’, sole look of winning on your faces, even though we achieve it after unpretentious underplay of our skills makes our day .


" A man on date wonders whether he will get lucky , a woman already knows "

Things which I have learnt from satviki

Remember the time when we use to laugh gregariously, when we used to cry loudly enough that even our neighbours could hear, and we would dance at any song, when we would run when we could walk? It's been so long that I don't remember it clearly. But seeing my niece I can surely recollect it. There is so much to learn from a child. She will give you that priceless smile of her every time you call her or look at her. Every time when you come back home she would get so excited to see you and one look at her all your tiredness goes off. She is just 14 months old and needless to say she doesn't know how to talk. When you don't know words you express more through the expressions and emotions. As we grow the words emotions replaces the expression, smile replaces a gregarious laugh, walking replaces running, foot tap replaces dance.

But we have named her Sativiki which is pure and I hope she lives up to her name and remain unadulterated. I wish she always welcomes me the way she does now. I wish she doesn't lose her enthusiasm as she grows. I wish (much to her mother's wishes as well ;)) that she would dance whenever she wishes to.

Irrespective whether my wish is fulfilled or not she would always be my little darling who claps every time when I sing her “when you happy and you know clap your hand” :) .

Common Pleasures

Its been quiet awhile since I wrote something. What incited me to write this blog was a simple line that I read somewhere. Here goes the line “He'd usually stamp on the piles of leaves on the footpath to hear them crunch under his shoes”. My topic for the blog today is “Common Pleasures” . Common because I am sure that most of us have experienced the pleasures from the simple thing. Even now when I recall them they bring a smile on my face. So here is the list of common pleasures

1 Fun Clips does that ring a bell somewhere…. I remember stacking them all my fingers and then relishing them slowly one by one. I couldn’t finish them all at once since my sister would then tempt me with her remaining stock. More then the taste it was the idea of eating them on fingers that excited us.

2 When was the last time you had a cream roll ? I know most of my memories are associated with food . But I really relish those childhood memories of mine where I imagined myself all grown up and having cream rolls for breakfast lunch dinner everyday. I thought I will have to work really hard to achieve that lifestyle.Kids have amazing imagination.

3 I am sure we all as a kid were enticed by our mom to have disguised milk served to us as tea. When I was served one I demanded some ‘bakery biscuits ‘ with it. I remember the struggle of having the dipped biscuit without having it dissolve. It was one of those big things on which you felt proud as kids.

4 This I can bet that every gal has done as a child. Playing ghar ghar. I am not sure whether this generation does it or not. But in our time it was mandatory for girls to play ghar ghar irrespective of how much of a tom boy you were. There would a (many)kitchen sets which we would arrange and then come up with a script , proper characterization and instant dialogues. One was not suppose to laugh since most the times we played adults and adults were those serious types who rarely laughed.

5. It was the time before the low cost aero planes divorced the distance from time. It was the time when you spent your summer vacation at your grandparents house. It was the time when there no balley classes, painting classes , dance classes for children. So in our two months long vacation we went to our grandparents by train. During the journey we coaxed our parents to buy chacha Chaudhary,billu,pinki and champak.

6 Name,Place,Animal,Thing. How many times have I played that game and since how long I haven’t played that game ?

7 yeh anek kya hain didi ?
anek yani bahut saare....
bahut saare, kya bahut saare?
acha, batatee hoon...

suraj ek...
chanda ek.....
taare anek..

Do I need to explain this to 80’s born Indian?


8 Cassettes its been ages since I saw one in this digital age. I remember when I used to keep a part of my pocket money for buying various cool cassettes of the time Saturday Night and Sexy Eyeeees Sexy Sexy Eyes and of course Aqua’s Album. I am sure all of us rember this . All day and night... Whoa...you got the FM music playin. AIR FM Studio...all the time...on ALL INDIA RADIO.....


Keep adding more :) 

Hum Hindustani

God has been grateful to me. I am born in a good family, I have good friends but most importantly I am born as an Indian. I am not saying because of Patriotic influx of feeling on the eve of Independence Day. I am saying this because Indians are by default spoilt for the choices. Although in most case you make choose something out the choices available, we don’t , we just embrace all the choices. I have the choice to wear a sari, salwar suit, skirt, trousers and shirt, business suit , I wear all of them without feeling out of place in any of them. I can speak hindi and comfortably switch to English when I like, I haven’t chosen any of them, I have open heartedly embraced both of them. For sweets we just don’t have 51 varieties of ice creams and cakes, we have 51 varieties of sweets/mithais whose ingredients are totally different from one another and not just the flavor. In relations we just don’t have uncles and aunts we have chha, chachi, tau, tai mausi, mausa, bua,fufa.I am spoilt because I can go to any of my neighbors ( we don’t just have one neighbor we have neighbors) without a prior appointment. We just don't have the festival season during the year end, we have it through out the year. I savour equally a sawai made at my muslim friend's place, cake at a Christian friend’s place, mithai at my place, halwa at a sikh friend’s place on our festivals(its not just theirs its ours). I am spoilt because of my nationality .

I am born in a country which enriched with multiple costumes , languages , literature , art , dress , manners. We are used to seeing variety , color in our everyday life. I ask to be born as an Indian in my next life and the lives after that.