More than an open challenge it’s an open letter to my father
on the week of his retirement. I have tried listing some traits of ours that I
owe either because of my father or because of my father’s occupation (he would
be retiring as Additional Director General, Medical paramilitary forces)
Things I learned from
Papa
Aim High: As a 60
year old, he is still fond of clothes and footwear, a trait rarely found in
men. Once I asked him, why are you so found of shoes, he replied “I had never
worn one till age of 15, first one I got was stolen, it was my fantasy as a
child to own lots of shoes”.
He was born in interiors in a village in Madhya Pradesh to a
school teacher and a house wife, 8th among siblings of 10. My grandfather
thought of tailoring as a profession for his 8th child, papa had
other plans he wanted to be a doctor. He had limited options either to leave
his “unpractical and foolish” aim or give his dream a chance. He ran away from
house, through all the hardships he took the exams and got through.
It wasn’t a happy ending yet, a village boy who had taken
all his exams in Hindi entered cityMedical college with no idea about how will
he pay fee for his accommodation and studies. He aimed high, he focused on his
goal and sailed through. To make his accommodation free of cost, he became the
first freshman to become hostel in charge. For his academic fee he sometimes he
got the money from his siblings and sometimes his friends happily gave him a loan
and sometimes he got lucky in ‘teen patti’.
He has always pushed me to think beyond what is possible, to
dream and to aim high.
Don’t differentiate
on social class
I happened to pass by his college this year, papa asked me
if we could stop by and meet his paan wala. I was surprised, how would papa
introduce himself, would the shop be there, would the original owner be there,
I calculated it was 35 years since he had passed out. As paan wala saw papa, I
could see the glee in his eyes, he not just recognized him, he was happy to
receive was old friend. 35 years , 35 batches, 35* 300 students/ batch, but how
can you forget one student who treated you as a friend ?
Holding the highest post in his cadre, I have seen people
across ranks coming to him and discuss problems with him. Some see a father,
some see a friend, some see a guide in him , rarely any one sees him as a boss
outside office.
As kids I remember having visited house of our camp oddly (
a word you would recognize if you are in forces) to house of officers, we were
just told to treat every elder with respect, greet everyone and don’t
differentiate on class.
Pamper Children, Play
with them and Show your love through hug or kiss
This is where I feel Didi and I had best childhood. In his
morning walk he would get scented flowers to place on bedside of his princesses
(Pooja and Aarti), lunch he would tell them a story, post lunch he would play
carom, evenings you would find Dr Pandey with his daughters one on each
shoulder, nights we were tucked between the warmth of our parents.
I am putting this in writing never have Didi or I received
any beating from papa (to the global readers,
Indian children sometimes need beating because they are pampered more
than other children). He is our teacher (helped us with all our HW), he is our
friend (played with us all the games) and our hero.
Both Didi and I try to replicate some of it for my niece
Satviki, we Pamper, Play and hug and
kiss her, same way as we got when we were her age.
Take Vacation, Go for
a walk
Financially we were bang on the line between comfortable and
tight, but never have we missed a LTC( Leave Travel Concession), never has been
a year we have not gone out to see visit a new place even if it meant being on
the wrong side of line. We have albums of trip where three girls are posing (
Ma, Didi and me) and the head of family is behind the lens.
Every evening we would for a walk, in pithoragarh( a place
in uttrakhand) we would walk on mountain to look for a new water body, in NSG(National
Security Guard Campus) we would walk by the lake, in Hudco ( in heart of new
delhi) he found a jungle and we would walk in jungle.
Both didi and I love walking, we love travelling (to
interiors of India and not some fancy foreign location).
Keep your word and promise
to your family
Papa is lactose intolerant ( allergic to milk), he can’t
enjoy delicacies like ice cream, gulab jamun, rasmalai. After joining forces he
found moderate intake of alcohol as soothing and thus adapted to being a social
drinker. He also developed a taste for non-vegetarian food as well, given that
he can’t have the standard veg delicacy like panner, malai kofta etc.
One fine day his daughters asked him to leave alcohol and
non-vegetarian and he did. He hasn’t taken a drink and eaten non veg since last
4 years, a habit of 30 years he left and kept his words because we asked him
to.
I haven’t made any promises yet to my family, I guess because
I know I can’t break promises.
Things I owe to
Forces (ITBP, NSG, SPG, BSF, CRPF)
Bonding between us (
Didi and I) : In some postings like pithoragarh, there weren’t any kid in
campus of our age. On holi Didi and I played colors just between two of us, for
any game we had just each other. I believe this is what has set the foundation
of our bond, so strong that even when we stay miles away we meet at least 4
times a year, talk at least once a day and still share everything. I owe it to
forces to have found my best friend in my sister.
Value Time: For
any conference call I join 5 mins early, for any meeting I start early. Having
spent atleast 10 years of my life outside campus I still haven’t adapted to so
called IST.
Confidence to create
an impression in a room of strangers: I
was born an introvert, a girl who was afraid of strangers, but being a forces
girl you can’t afford to be an introvert. Having done schooling from 8 schools,
I had to make friends every time I entered a new class full of strangers. I
carry that confidence even today at professional level, I create an impression every
time I walk in a room of strangers.
Cherished Memories: In
school I used to ask my classmates how they celebrated the Independence Day, post
the holiday. I would then ask them about flag hosting ceremony, the BADA khanna
( term only forces people would understand), I would tell them about cycling by
the lake, our new year party, open theater, I always got puzzled look in
response. I wondered what kind of homes my school mates would be living in with
no campus and no mess, innocently I believed them to be poor kids. As a grown
up lady, I have plethora of stories of our growing up years, our escapade to
mini jungle, our secret mission of finding a rare breed of flower, our ceremony
of cremating a dead mouse. These are the most cherished memories which always
bring a smile to our faces.
Learning that nothing
is permanent: We have changed 12 houses in my lifetime (these are excluding
the hostels and cities I independently lived in), as young child we would feel
bad leaving a place but over the years and so many changes have given us the
learning which is rare to find in my generation, learning that nothing except
change is permanent and so is our association with forces. It is this very
force that has taught me to say Good Byes gracefully and look forward and adapt
to life after changes.
Thank you Papa and Thank you ITBP for bringing up
characteristics of two girls
