Open Challenge – I declare Our Papa as the best Papa

More than an open challenge it’s an open letter to my father on the week of his retirement. I have tried listing some traits of ours that I owe either because of my father or because of my father’s occupation (he would be retiring as Additional Director General, Medical paramilitary forces)

Things I learned from Papa

Aim High: As a 60 year old, he is still fond of clothes and footwear, a trait rarely found in men. Once I asked him, why are you so found of shoes, he replied “I had never worn one till age of 15, first one I got was stolen, it was my fantasy as a child to own lots of shoes”.

He was born in interiors in a village in Madhya Pradesh to a school teacher and a house wife, 8th among siblings of 10. My grandfather thought of tailoring as a profession for his 8^th child, papa had other plans he wanted to be a doctor. He had limited options either to leave his “unpractical and foolish” aim or give his dream a chance. He ran away from house, through all the hardships he took the exams and got through.

It wasn’t a happy ending yet, a village boy who had taken all his exams in Hindi entered cityMedical college with no idea about how will he pay fee for his accommodation and studies. He aimed high, he focused on his goal and sailed through. To make his accommodation free of cost, he became the first freshman to become hostel in charge. For his academic fee he sometimes he got the money from his siblings and sometimes his friends happily gave him a loan and sometimes he got lucky in ‘teen patti’. 

He has always pushed me to think beyond what is possible, to dream and to aim high.

Don’t differentiate on social class

I happened to pass by his college this year, papa asked me if we could stop by and meet his paan wala. I was surprised, how would papa introduce himself, would the shop be there, would the original owner be there, I calculated it was 35 years since he had passed out. As paan wala saw papa, I could see the glee in his eyes, he not just recognized him, he was happy to receive was old friend. 35 years , 35 batches, 35* 300 students/ batch, but how can you forget one student who treated you as a friend ?

Holding the highest post in his cadre, I have seen people across ranks coming to him and discuss problems with him. Some see a father, some see a friend, some see a guide in him , rarely any one sees him as a boss outside office.

As kids I remember having visited house of our camp oddly ( a word you would recognize if you are in forces) to house of officers, we were just told to treat every elder with respect, greet everyone and don’t differentiate on class.  

Pamper Children, Play with them and Show your love through hug or kiss

This is where I feel Didi and I had best childhood. In his morning walk he would get scented flowers to place on bedside of his princesses (Pooja and Aarti), lunch he would tell them a story, post lunch he would play carom, evenings you would find Dr Pandey with his daughters one on each shoulder, nights we were tucked between the warmth of our parents.

I am putting this in writing never have Didi or I received any beating from papa (to the global readers,  Indian children sometimes need beating because they are pampered more than other children). He is our teacher (helped us with all our HW), he is our friend (played with us all the games) and our hero.

Both Didi and I try to replicate some of it for my niece Satviki, we  Pamper, Play and hug and kiss her, same way as we got when we were her age.

Take Vacation, Go for a walk

Financially we were bang on the line between comfortable and tight, but never have we missed a LTC( Leave Travel Concession), never has been a year we have not gone out to see visit a new place even if it meant being on the wrong side of line. We have albums of trip where three girls are posing ( Ma, Didi and me) and the head of family is behind the lens.

Every evening we would for a walk, in pithoragarh( a place in uttrakhand) we would walk on mountain to look for a new water body, in NSG(National Security Guard Campus) we would walk by the lake, in Hudco ( in heart of new delhi) he found a jungle and we would walk in jungle.

Both didi and I love walking, we love travelling (to interiors of India and not some fancy foreign location).  

Keep your word and promise to your family

Papa is lactose intolerant ( allergic to milk), he can’t enjoy delicacies like ice cream, gulab jamun, rasmalai. After joining forces he found moderate intake of alcohol as soothing and thus adapted to being a social drinker. He also developed a taste for non-vegetarian food as well, given that he can’t have the standard veg delicacy like panner, malai kofta etc.

One fine day his daughters asked him to leave alcohol and non-vegetarian and he did. He hasn’t taken a drink and eaten non veg since last 4 years, a habit of 30 years he left and kept his words because we asked him to.

I haven’t made any promises yet to my family, I guess because I know I can’t break promises.

Things I owe to Forces (ITBP, NSG, SPG, BSF, CRPF) 

Bonding between us ( Didi and I) : In some postings like pithoragarh, there weren’t any kid in campus of our age. On holi Didi and I played colors just between two of us, for any game we had just each other. I believe this is what has set the foundation of our bond, so strong that even when we stay miles away we meet at least 4 times a year, talk at least once a day and still share everything. I owe it to forces to have found my best friend in my sister. 

Value Time: For any conference call I join 5 mins early, for any meeting I start early. Having spent atleast 10 years of my life outside campus I still haven’t adapted to so called IST. 

Confidence to create an impression in a room of strangers:  I was born an introvert, a girl who was afraid of strangers, but being a forces girl you can’t afford to be an introvert. Having done schooling from 8 schools, I had to make friends every time I entered a new class full of strangers. I carry that confidence even today at professional level, I create an impression every time I walk in a room of strangers.

Cherished Memories: In school I used to ask my classmates how they celebrated the Independence Day, post the holiday. I would then ask them about flag hosting ceremony, the BADA khanna ( term only forces people would understand), I would tell them about cycling by the lake, our new year party, open theater, I always got puzzled look in response. I wondered what kind of homes my school mates would be living in with no campus and no mess, innocently I believed them to be poor kids. As a grown up lady, I have plethora of stories of our growing up years, our escapade to mini jungle, our secret mission of finding a rare breed of flower, our ceremony of cremating a dead mouse. These are the most cherished memories which always bring a smile to our faces. 

Learning that nothing is permanent: We have changed 12 houses in my lifetime (these are excluding the hostels and cities I independently lived in), as young child we would feel bad leaving a place but over the years and so many changes have given us the learning which is rare to find in my generation, learning that nothing except change is permanent and so is our association with forces. It is this very force that has taught me to say Good Byes gracefully and look forward and adapt to life after changes. 

                                                                                   

Thank you Papa and Thank you ITBP for bringing up characteristics of two girls